So content warning: mom probably don’t read this one or do if you want to. This topic has been stirring in my brain for a bit and I figured it was time to put it on “paper.” I’m not gonna name any names, but I scroll through Facebook and I see all these happy little families and relationships and I can’t help but think about all the times the man in the relationship was messaging inappropriately with me. Now I’m not talking about them hitting on me or flirting. I’m talking full on sexually explicit conversations while they’re in a committed relationship.

Ya ya ya shame on me blah blah blah. I don’t need any boos from the peanut gallery. I never said I was proud of it, but their relationship was their own business. I can’t make anyone stay faithful anymore than I can make them not be. Now this isn’t an “all men are trash” blog by any means because there are good men out there. I’ve just never been able to fully wrap my head around what makes these men be unfaithful to their partner. And I’m gonna say unfaithful because that is what it is to me. Even if it’s just talking, which it was, if you can’t openly tell your spouse about it then it’s being unfaithful.

Now some of them were in terrible marriages and that’s not an excuse by any means, but a lot of them were “happy.” One went out of his way to tell me he was going through a divorce, which according to Instagram, is not true based off of all the happy photos of them together. One of them actually just had a baby so there clearly wasn’t a lack of sex there. What am I missing? I mean not to toot my own horn, but I’m not that drop dead gorgeous to make someone be unfaithful to their partner. I mean I guess I could just be a means to jerk off, but still there are impersonal ways to do that. Messaging another girl is very personal. Calling them “babe” and talking shit about your wife is very personal. Believe me for a long time I was the “guys and girls can be friends” type person and I learned my lesson the hard way. There is always, well almost always, underlying feelings on one side and if there’s not, there are always jealousy issues either from the partner or the friend or both because biologically men and women are going to be sexually attracted to each other. That’s nature. I can understand this to a point because I am also the type of person that doesn’t want another female coming to my man for things or him going to her for things. That is what girlfriends are for on both sides. You go cry to your girlfriends and let my man come to me with his issues. You have relationship issues? GO TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THEM! Because when you open the door to someone of the opposite sex and let them know you’re having relationship problems, you open yourself up to compromise. Only exception is the gays. That is a whole other category of rules and what not that I am not even going to get into.

It’s flattering in the beginning but after a while you honestly just wondering how much of a piece of shit this person is to continuously seek out other forms of companionship. I say seek out because I was always sought out. It always starts with some sincere message about missing you and checking on you and then the complaining about their spouse starts. Next is the “I wish she was understanding like you” or some variation of that. Makes you feel good inside. Powerful feeling for me personally, which in the big picture is terrible because most of the times these wives or girlfriends dont do anything wrong. There isnt a reason I should feel like I’m better than them, but that was like the high I got from it. Now it’s mostly just wanting to make them look bad, but what good does that do anyone? And at the end of the day, there a lot of them still out there. That’s a lot of hearts to break and a lot of families to mess up and I’m not really about that.

But let me tell ya fellas, I’m just as much of a crazy bitch wife as the next lady. I nag and snap like the rest of them. No one is this picture perfect woman who never complains, wants to have sex constantly, looks put together 24/7, and agrees with everything you say. Truly, she doesn’t exist. So when you’re bored or angry in your relationship, you need to look at your partner and look at yourself. No momentary fun is worth years of y’all being together. If any of you men read this that I did have interactions with, I hope you feel a twinge of guilt and this scares you enough to never make the same mistake again, because I’m hoping that’s what it was. A mistake. I know a lot of the time men think with their dick, but you can focus that energy into your partner. Make them feel loved and respected and honored. Men and women. At the end of the day, if you’re not happy tell your partner and either try to work it out or don’t be together. A lot of your issues can be fixed just by being open and honest with yourself and your partner.