Before I go into my topic for this blog post, I wanted to say a quick happy holidays and thank everyone for the love and support I’ve received following my miscarriage. The amount of people that reached out, men and women, truly touched my heart and I was not expecting that. This hasnt been an easy thing for myself or Anthony and to know that we have so many friends that love and care about us has truly been a blessing. I have a follow up next week to make sure I have successfully passed everything and make sure there were no complications. The last few days have been physically and emotionally draining on my body so I apologize to anyone that I didn’t get back to or seemed to distance myself from. My hormones have been all over the place and it’s been more on the crankier side so I’ve really been keeping to myself. Hopefully in the next week or so things will be back to normal.

For today’s topic, I decided to discuss the 16 Personalities, which is honestly one of my favorite things. If you havent taken it, its https://www.16personalities.com/ . It’s incredibly accurate and great for understanding others. My personality type is an INTJ-T, which is a Turbulent Architect. An Architect (INTJ) is a person with the introverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging personality traits. These thoughtful tacticians love perfecting the details of life, applying creativity and rationality to everything they do. Their inner world is often a private, complex one.

One thing I’ve found through this is a lot of explanations for my personality type. Because I’m someone who likes to put my feelings and actions into words, I find myself seeking reasoning constantly. For example, in both my professional life and personal life, I’ve been told I’m very harsh and short with people and I don’t really connect with people very often. It’s always made me feel very anti social and isolated. It’s one of the things that has fueled my anxiety. But with INTJs, we are very focused and selective with who we let into our lives and who we engage with. We want people who are like minded and are going to challenge us. We don’t waste our time with small talk or building a relationship if we don’t see any value in it. We also crave intellectual stimulation both from our friends and from our partners. I got a little more than I bargained for with Anthony but it works none the less. We love our independence and want to have relationships where we aren’t reliant on each other to function. We have our own lives and hang out because we actually enjoy each other’s company.

One thing I love about this test and website is that it covers several categories. Work place habits, friendships, parenthood, etc. If you’re struggling to find yourself groove and figure out your strengths, this site is great. As a leader or boss, I would advise having your associates take this so you are able better grow and coach your team.

I’m a very private person, but I consider the struggles we have in life to be something we need to use to help others. About two weeks ago, I started spotting (vaginal bleeding for those who are men and dont know what spotting is), but I never seemed to actually start my period. I went to my tracker and realized I hadn’t marked a date for my November period. I finally worked up the courage to take a pregnancy test because after so many negative tests, you kind of start dreading taking them. So with the pre mediated disappointment of a negative test, I snuck into the bathroom and peed on the stick. To my surprise it was positive. Not like barely visible positive. A hard, quick positive. I stood in the bedroom staring at it, in complete shock. In my mind, I had very much come to terms with not having children and here I was holding a positive test. Over the next hour or so, I would lay there in shock while Anthony would continually reassure me that it was a good thing. I text Keli and let her know because I needed my best friend and wanted to have support without telling anyone else until it was for sure. I made an appointment for the blood test and that came back positive as well. At this point I was still somewhat spotting, but they wanted to do a sonogram to verify how far along I was.

When we got to the sonogram, the tech said she was having a hard time finding a heartbeat and I immediately felt my heart sink. There was the fear I had been expecting while I waited to tell people I was pregnant. She tried a few more times and still couldn’t find anything. She said the doctor would be in to speak with us shortly. I was getting dressed and Anthony sat there with his head in his hands. I think in that moment, he finally realized what I had felt for years. The hope and disappointment cycle of trying for a baby. Dr. Yee came in and looked at the pictures and determined the embryo had stopped growing at about six weeks, about the time I started spotting. She said there really wasnt a reason why she could determine in that moment, but she was going to take my blood to run some tests. She said my options were to let it pass naturally, take medication to help it pass, or have a DNC, but I didnt have to decide in that moment. They left the room and I fell to pieces. Six weeks doesnt seem like far along, and it’s not in the large picture, but when you spend years not being able to get pregnant, six weeks is a lifetime. It is enough time to set a spark in your heart that you didnt think was possible. In only two weeks, I picked a name, made plans, and hoped for the future.

I took the day off Tuesday. Thankfully I have a boss that has experienced similar loss in her life and she was more than understanding. I cried off and on through out the day. I was so angry and disappointed. Not in the loss but at my own body. As if maybe I could’ve changed something. If I had tracked my cycle better, maybe I could’ve helped the pregnancy progress. I think what I struggled with the most was how Anthony seemed to detach so easily. Now I’m not blaming him, because I know the loss for him is different for me. He doesnt feel the physical pain I feel or even the emotional attachment I have because men don’t get to feel those things. I was jealous that he was able to go about his day so easily. I wanted that. I wanted to pretend that there wasnt a dead embryo inside me and that I only had more pain to come as I passed it from my body. I wanted to pretend it never happened, but the constant pain was a reminder that I am not finished with this yet. I wanted to forget the embarrassment I felt of having to tell people I had miscarried as if I should be ashamed.

I am thankful my mother has been here to help nurse me through this because she is a caregiver by nature. She told me it was gonna be okay and that the baby was up in heaven with all the other ones we have lost in my family and that my granny would make sure they were okay. God had put this sermon on my heart Tuesday and I had put it off all day because I didn’t want to hear it. “Expectations and Consistency.” Now I’ve heard this sermon a couple times, which is probably why it was in my mind. This sermon was this past June and was taught by our friend Kenny that had passed away a couple months ago. Again, probably another reason it was so clear to me. In this sermon, Kenny talks about how our expectations and God’s expectations are rarely the same and how because we as humans set our own expectations not based on God’s word, we end up disappointed. When we end up disappointed, who do we blame? God. We have all these questions; “Why is god doing this?”, “Why did God allow this to happen?”, etc., etc. When in reality the question is “Will you believe in God even when you don’t understand?” and “Will you believe in God when he doesn’t meet your expectations?” It’s easy to sit back an blame God for my baby not progressing or to think that God didn’t save the pregnancy because that’s what is to be expected. You get pregnant, you expect to have a baby. However, that was my expectation. I’m not saying God purposefully kills babies because God isn’t malicious, but we cannot even begin to fathom God’s plans for our lives. I’ve been trying to yank open this pregnancy door for years and when I finally stopped trying to force it open, the lock loosened a bit and it cracked open. It wasn’t set ajar for me yet, but God showed me that it can be opened with patience and trust.

I hope anyone out there that reads this and is struggling with infertility or miscarriage issues, knows that you are not alone and that it’s not your fault. You’re not being punished or neglected. It hurts, like hell, and it’s hard to see the good in a loss like this, but you don’t always see the rainbow right away when you’re in the middle of the storm.

I’ve been going through my saved notes and entries I’ve started and I came across this one from over a year ago. I’m not sure why I didnt post it, it sounds pretty good to me. Without further ado,

So as I was pondering over this entry and trying to figure out what I wanted to write about I had a moment that solidified what I wanted to write about. I was putting together some towel hampers for our pool and it wasn’t overly complicated, no screws or nails, just three metal pieces that slide together. I’m pretty handy so I was happy to do it. One of the men at my hotel (who shall remain nameless) walked into the office, looked at me, then the rack, and said “do you even know what you’re doing?” I would’ve been content with “do you need any help?”, but the condescending tone that accompanied his question made my blood boil. Now I’m not saying all men are like this, but we are in a society where women are constantly patronized, undervalued, and degraded on a daily basis simply for being women. They are viewed and treated as inadequate, incompetent, or inexperienced.

I was fortunate enough to not only be raised by a strong, independent woman, but raised by a kind, gentle, and respectful man. A man that treated women with a level of dignity and respect I have seldom found in today’s world. I wasn’t treated differently from the boys. I wasn’t passed up to learn things or to be given opportunities in our family. I was told to work hard and get my hands dirty just like my brothers. I worked along side them and wasn’t given a pass because I was a “daddy’s girl.” I was never passed up for football in the yard, or shooting hoops, or putting together something around the house. My brother’s also made sure to include me and if they needed help with something, I was asked without a hesitation. I was raised to believe I deserved that from every man in my life. An equality that should be matched on the daily.

From my personal experience alone, I can tell you that the level of disrespect I receive from men is a regular occurrence. And I’m not talking about being insulted by comments or being told to smile, which does happen (Seriously men, stop telling women to smile. We dont like it.). I’m talking about being talked to as if I’m incompetent, interrupted when I’m speaking, or being asked to speak to a male superior. I’ve had corporate leaders continually talk over me, ignore me, or look to my male counterparts for information that I already provided. No joke, more than once I’ve been asked if there was a male staff member on property that could help. I understand sometimes a superior can be needed but the fact that it’s been specified that a male was needed baffles me. I’ve watched so many women I respect as leaders be disregarded as leaders by men. I’ve never understood that. Good ideas are good ideas. I once had a female manager that would be constantly ignore or disregarded by the male leaders and this wasn’t a weak or meek women. She was tough and didn’t take anyone’s shit and a lot of the time she was deemed “difficult to work with” or her decisions were undermined.

Now I will be the first to admit that Anthony is the head of our household, but that does not mean he is the boss of me. It does not mean that I cater to his every whim and serve him completely. He doesnt speak down to me or disregard my ideas. Interrupt me, yes all the time, but that’s just him as a person. He includes me in decision making and encourages me in helping him with “manly” tasks. Any repairs or modifications we do to the house, he shows me how to do it and includes me. I have now successfully helped replace a water heater, build a wall, put in a doggy door, and move a ceiling fan to another room. There are no male and female tasks in our house. We are 50/50 team and where one lacks, the other makes up for it.

There will be people who say it’s this generation of woman thinking they can be stuck up and disrespectful to men, but I think this is finally a group of woman who aren’t afraid to say “fuck you, I will not submit, I will not be quiet.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called a bitch because I stood up for myself or because I didn’t let someone demean my work or because I didnt accept getting groped at a bar or I didn’t let someone make disparaging comments about my body. There’s a lot of controversy around sexism being a myth, but it’s real. It happens on a daily basis. Ask one of your female friends if they’ve been discriminated against as a women and they will have plenty of stories for you.

The past couple weeks there are have been several discussions regarding the COVID vaccine and who should get it. Because I work with high risk community, when it becomes available, I will have the opportunity to take it for free. I’ve heard both sides of the argument to take it and not to take it because this is a very serious decision whether you think COVID is real threat or not. I’ve had friends die from it, I’ve had friends test positive and get hospitalized, and now I’m in a place where if one of these residents gets it, they will die. On the other side of things, do I really want to be in the first round of the public to receive a vaccine? I mean the polio vaccine took almost 40 years to be perfected and before that, it killed a lot of people. Granted it was the mid 1900s and their technology was no where near where ours is. I have trust that our medical society is above par in developing something like this and I don’t understand this paranoia with taking it.

First, I’m very pro vaccine. There’s a reason measles, mumps, and whooping cough have made a resurgence in the last 15 years. It really blows my mind that there is a movement to not vaccinate your children. Unless you are a medical doctor or have a degree or professional training to determine if something is safe medically, you do not get the definitive say if something is safe or unsafe. One of the main arguments for not giving a child a vaccine is they have formaldehyde in them. I will admit that the first think I think of when I hear formaldehyde is what they use to preserve dead bodies, which I can see would make people nervous about putting it into your body. However, formaldehyde actually naturally occurring in our bodies and in nature, especially in fruits and veggies. Now if you’re huffing large amounts of formaldehyde on a regular basis, then ya it’s gonna cause damage to your body, but in terms of vaccines, the formaldehyde that is used is a miniscule diluted amount and it’s used to keep the virus inactive within the vaccine.

Another item listed in many vaccines is aluminum. Again, if you just read aluminum and dont do actual research into what aluminum is doing in the vaccine, it would be easy to freak out and thing they are putting metal in your body. Well it’s actually aluminum salt, which boosts your immune systems response to the vaccine. Aluminum salts can be found in all kinds of things we consume regularly. A lot of teas are naturally high in aluminum. It’s used as preservative in things like grain.

Lastly, and my favorite vaccine argument, is that is causes autism. This is by far the most batshit argument I’ve ever heard. The doctor that produced this “study” later rescinded his study because it was found largely false and that they forged false data. He was stripped of his medical license and all his work was declared fraudulent by the medical association. No study has ever found a link between autism and vaccines or any permanent illness for that matter. That’s not my opinion, that’s science. Peer reviewed, study proven science. Now I know, people are gonna come at me for my view on this, but this is based off of science and if you have a science based view on it, I would be more than happy to discuss it. I am not an expert, but I believe when experienced, certified researchers provide scientific proof for their stance. Not “oh I read an article on Facebook” or “my friend said her kids are doing better without vaccines.” This is why the doctor that said vaccines are linked to autism was proven false because he was peer reviewed and his peers said you’re wrong based on scientific evidence.

Does this mean you cant believe in holistic healing? Absolutely not. I whole heartedly believe that there are things that occur in nature that are good for healing and health. For example, cannabis is one of the most versatile and powerful things out there for things like seizures, pain management, PTSD, and cancer patients who lose their appetite from the chemo. But, there is no natural remedy for measles. If you get measles, you either die or your body fights against it and you survive. Ask someone who’s had measles if it was fun for them. My mother had measles before they had a vaccine and she said it was the sickest she’s ever been in her life. She was about 5 and she had to be quarantined in her room for weeks. Her parents were the only ones who could come in her room to bring her food and check on her. There is no medication or treatment for it. There is only a vaccine to stop you from getting it. Same thing with small pox. In the late 80s, small pox was eradicated because they vaccinated the population so when the next generation came around there was no need to vaccinate them.

Now as a citizen of this country, you have every right to make choices for your life, but by consciously choosing to endanger the lives of others is not okay. Endangering other people’s children because you don’t want to vaccinate your children is not okay. That is why vaccinations are mandatory to attend public school. Furthermore, when you don’t get vaccinated and you catch a strain of something, it can mutate in you producing a new strand that can cause others to get sick. That’s what’s happened with measles. The vaccine we give children does not work if someone is unvaccinated and contracts measles and that measles virus mutates making the vaccine useless. So I guess my real question is how is this vaccine protest any different than people that protest mandatory vaccines now? Why is this vaccine any less trustworthy than the measles vaccine? We dont have a cure for COVID or even a specific treatment for it, much like measles. I get peoples hesitations with the COVID vaccine. I have my own. It’s new and rushed and filled with controversy, but if in the future we find it saves people and protects people, why not take it? Having to take get vaccines to go to school or enter the military is mandatory and we dont get up in arms about that unless you dont believe in science. One day I believe this will be part of our mandatory vaccines we give to the population whether you like them or not. So I love you all and I hope you make good, conscious choices.

I wasnt very popular in high school. I wasnt completely unpopular, but I wasn’t a kid that got invited to parties or asked out a lot. I was friends with everyone, but I had a tight knit group of about 4 people that I had gone to middle school and junior high with. We were good kids. Nerdy, in the band, and awkward. So I think that’s where a lot of my social anxiety comes from and my insecurity about my looks. I mean I think I’m pretty normal and likeable, but as much as I tried, I was never really excepted into that group and still dont really have an easy time making friends. I really only got attention from the popular kids when there was something they needed help with in school.

I think I’m somewhat pretty but I never really had a bunch of guys that asked me out. I dont see myself as a “pretty girl.” I dont turn heads when I enter a room. I dont get bought free drinks. I dont get asked for my number. But I ended up dating the “hot popular guy” and let me tell you, it messes with me on a daily basis.

Not that it’s his fault, but Anthony has definitely never had to experience a lot of rejection. He’ll tell you that he’s never had a problem getting women. He’s handsome and well built and smart and confident. He’s like a magnet for women. Then there’s me. The awkward, nerdy girl, who constantly doubts herself and never really thought someone was genuinely into her. I mean he’s the whole package and I’m me. Why would this amazing person want anything to do with me?

I used to think I had a jealousy problem, but in reality it’s a fear problem. I’m deeply afraid that he can do better. That there will always be someone prettier, someone thinner, someone more successful. I am afraid that someone more attractive will come along and I will pale in comparison and slowly fade into the back. I constantly question why he’s with me. I worry that one day I wont be enough anymore. I mean I am really kind and encouraging and hard working, but is that enough?

Now this isnt a post to have people reassure me I’m pretty or reassure me that Anthony loves me, because I know both of these to be true. It is just an insecurity I’ve struggled with for a long time. Most of the time I can pass off as confident, but deep down I’m not. I just need to put things out in writing to help me think things through. Most days and I can talk myself down from the anxiety and reassure myself that I’m amazing and deserving of love, but sometimes it bubble back up and turns into paranoia. Paranoia that Anthony is talking to other girls or hiding things, which isn’t true, but it’s almost crippling sometimes.

I’ve really been trying to pray and focus on calming my anxieties and working on my confidence. Anthony has helped a lot and been patient and supportive, but there still a long way to go. I appreciate everyone on this platform that reads my writing and I hope one day I will be able to write about feeling like a rock solid 10.

With week 1 at Polo Park under my belt, I can tell you this is a place I am very excited to be. I can also tell you this place is going to break my heart on a regular basis. Polo Park Estates is a retirement community, not an assisted living center so mot of these people are self sufficient. They live in apartment style rooms or for the more independent residents we have cottages that are more like duplexes with kitchens. We provide three meals a day, plus snacks, as well as all transportation needs. Housekeeping is provided once a week and any maintenance tasks are covered by us. There are some residents that have caregivers that come in to check on them and administer meds or whatever else they need. We’re not allowed to assist them with anything medical related. They all have like life-alert devices if they have an emergency or need medical assistance. My first solo day as a manager we had EMT at the park three times and animal control once. Talk about baptism by fire. Thankfully all three falls were either minor to no injury. The animal control was an interesting deal. One of the residents has a dog and apparently it’s a mean dog that doesnt like women. A caregiver came to work with him and the dog bit the caregiver. The home health company had to call animal control and thankfully the animal was up to date no it’s shots.

I’ve always had a special place in my heart for the senior community and I think that comes from my parents making sure we had relationships with our grandparents as well as other elderly in our community. Both of my parents were always really good about checking in on the elderly in our neighborhood or in our church so I had very wonderful role models in my life. The residents here have been great. I’ve met quite a few of them. I had sent out a letter to each of their rooms, introducing myself, and one resident called downstairs to introduce himself and inform me he also went to OSU. Very sweet and heart warming. I think I’m most excited to get to know these people and learn more about them. For example, Ms. Patsy and her husband (when he was alive) lived in Ghana for 25 years. She said they went there with their oil company and her husband saw that the drinking water was causing deformities in the people so he decided to move their and drill for water to help the villages as well as minister to people. 25 years this couple lived in Africa and all because they wanted to help people. Amazing.

Thanksgiving was a bit tough because COVID has basically closed off this community. By the way this community has had ZERO cases of COVID. Pretty big deal. Some residents went to their families for the holiday, but a lot of them either A) Dont have family close by or at all, or B) Chose to stay in because they are high risk. That was really sad and it made me a little bit emotional. We had a Thanksgiving dinner for them, but it’s not quite the same you know? Everyone has to sit socially distanced and as you know elderly hearing isnt great so it’s not like they can sit and have lively conversations and enjoy each others company.

Because we cant have gatherings of more than 10 people, we’re only able to hold certain activities. So right now they do BINGO, hallway bowling, some arts and craft, walks, aerobics, and “concerts’, which is where they watch a concert like they would watch a movie. Let me tell you, some of these ladies live by these activities. It’s super adorable. But a lot of these residents sit in their rooms all days, watching TV or reading. I think that part makes me the most sad. We try to get them involved, but they really dont have any drive to do anything anymore. Maybe because they’re sad to be here or lonely or defeated. I know this isolation hasnt been easy on any of them. I also don’t imagine having to give up your home and life to move into an apartment, away from your family is very easy either.

I don’t exaggerate when I say I would give anything to call my grandmother again. To hear her voice or smell her perfume. To just love on her. We were fortunate enough she got to be at home in her last days. Surrounded by family. She had a active life and many people who cared for her. People that loved her and made her feel safe and valued. I hope I get to be that person for a lot of these residents. Someone they know care and look forward to seeing every day. I hope those of you out there reading this, also choose to be that person for someone in your life that may be isolated or alone. Your neighbor, a coworker, or even your own grandparents. I cant tell you how amazing it is to see the spark in these people’s eyes when you engage them. It’s worth the little effort you have to put in.

Hello world! I mentioned in my last post that I would be starting a new job and let me tell you, it is the most bitter sweet moment I’ve had in a while. Fair warning, this one got away from me. Haha it’s long. I’ll start off by saying I loved my job. The hospitality industry was never a place I thought I would find myself, but I fell in love with it and under better circumstances, I would love to stay here and build a career. Unfortunately, in the last seven months, I’ve seen how little myself and the other members of my team mean to the corporate office running the show. Hell not even seven months, let’s say the last year because it started with little things.

When I started here in 2017 you got $50 for your hire anniversary as well as if you got associate of the month. Covid was a perfect excuse to take away the $50 EOM prize, which they have recently started back up, but the hire anniversary first went to a small gift from a site called “Snappy”, which has some decent things. Then it just went away all together. Originally the company would pay for a employee Christmas gift and dinner. When I started my GM made sure this was a party to out live all parties. I mostly think she got away with this because the hotel was making so much money, the company wouldnt bother to check in on her expense report, and she was very good friends with her area director at the time, who would also come to these parties. I’m talking unlimited alcohol, nice catering, and pretty decent gifts for white elephant. I mean people were going home with Amazon echo’s and firesticks for gifts. The level of drinking that was expected at this party was so high, my GM would block off rooms for anyone that wanted them so they didnt have to drive. On top of all of that, the company bought a gift for everyone. My GM literally got away with some much stuff and I think a big part of the reason she left this company is because her friend, the ADO, was let go from the company and she was no longer able to have spending sprees. I mean truly, once I got behind the curtain, the amount of shit she bought that walked out of this place is insane. Her last expense check was $7000+. This is coming from a property that has a $2500 petty cash bank at our disposal. I think the only things my current GM and I every expense is pizza for the team because you need a credit card for online orders. That’s it.

Moving on, because the previous GM is a whole other blog post I could write, last year around this time, they sent out an email to the GMs discussing holiday parties. They were allotting $13 per person for food and $10 per person for a gift. I know most people don’t realize how little $13 a person per meal is, but its very small, especially when you want to provide a Christmas dinner for your staff. With a staff of thirty, I could maybe afford Olive Garden, which isnt bad, but it’s not great for a Christmas dinner. Then trying to find a nice gift that expressed out gratitude to our hard working staff for $10 or less was impossible. I originally wanted to do custom ornaments that were discounted when bought in bulk, but the purchasing department didnt get back to me until the week before the party and by then the price had gone up. As I’m sure you can imagine, the staff wasnt too pleased with this, especially when they had just come off the empire of unlimited spending with the previous GM and the sad part was, we didnt even have a valid argument for it. There was no defending it. Now it might be hard to understand why something like this might play into my leaving, but this was just the start of a thread that unraveled the sweater. I watched day in and out as my staff, especially my housekeepers, poured themselves into their work. I know “cleaning rooms” doesnt seem like it’s hard, but it’s probably one of the most physically demanding and detail oriented jobs out there, especially when you go off of Hilton time standards to clean a room, which is 30 minutes. The level of filth and grime and disgusting stuff these ladies deal with on a daily basis deserves more than a $10 thank you.

Fast forward to January of this year. Manny and I are kicking ass and running things pretty efferently. I mean things were going great, and we were both really learning the flow with each other. The oilfield slowed a little bit, but Manny made up for it with revamping our suite shop. Our tiny suite shop was out performing every other hotel in the company and this includes big properties like Embassy Suites. We had finally caught up on late invoices from the year and the next few months were looking very good. Then y’all know what happened. Damn COVID. I was on vacation when the first wave of lockdowns and travel bans started so I got to be on a conference call where we were told all third party staffing (85% of my housekeeping staff) was to be let go immediately and that over the next few weeks we would be establishing other cuts. By the end of the cuts we would be down to a staff of eleven. Myself, the GM, the Exec Housekeeper, the Chief Engineer, the Front Desk Supervisor, a Sales Coordinator, three front desk staff, and two housekeepers. Oh and everyone that’s hourly and not a supervisor has to be part time. This was also accompanied by a 10% pay cut for all salary members of management and a work schedule that had to be a minimum fifty hours a week. Now Manny and I were already putting in those hours just to keep this place running, but it ramped up during COVID. Without a laundry attendant, Manny or Dee were usually doing laundry and this is when Dee didnt have her own board of rooms to clean because of the part time hours of her team. We were skipping housekeeping on Thursday and Saturdays because we just didnt have the staff. I would work 7am-5pm or 1pm-11pm at the front desk as many days as it took to fill in the part time gaps. Then any time I had away from the desk was spent helping housekeeping. Manny was here long before the sun came up, to catch up both laundry and accounting, and he was here till long after the sun went down to finish whatever he could. For three months we did this. With one day off here or there. Definitely no vacation time, and as a fun added note, all while we all entertained AJ.

Around July, Anthony and I were looking at moving to Utah so I thought maybe I could get approved for a leave of absence and work on selling the house. Well corporate did not go for that so I put in my professional resignation because 1. I was exhausted, 2. It wasnt fair to AJ to keep him at the hotel for days on end, and 3. I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. In my resignation letter, I did some math because I like to show people the cause for my leaving. I already didnt make very much money, but when you factor in the 10% pay cut as well as the minimum 50 hours we had to work (really we were working 60-70 easy) I was making about $11 an hour. Now that’s just at 50 hours, I’m sure you can imagine what the number looked like at 60 hours. So I made the case that I was being taken advantage of as a salaried member or management and that I could no longer work in these conditions. The bargain was made to give me the 10% back, plus the $2000 raise I was promised, and I would be “allowed” to hire more front desk staff. I thought “okay, I need a job and maybe I’ll go back to enjoying it if I actually get to work normal hours.” This was still accompanied by the minimum 50 hours except now I got to be in the office and housekeeping more, giving Manny some much needed relief.

A few weeks ago, Manny and I finally had a light at the end of the tunnel moment. There were whispers of Manny getting promoted to a hotel in Amarillo and me taking over Homewood as a GM. Now you will never convince me otherwise that this is not the truth, but we waited weeks for the confirmation from our ADO that never came. I told Manny that I was almost certain that if this was going to fall through, it would be because of her. Meanwhile, I started applying for jobs. I mean I had been throughout COVID, but I’m pretty sure I was just yanking on doors hoping one would open. One weekend, I decided I needed to go home. I missed my parents and Anthony had been furloughed so I thought what a better time. I mean they kept telling us only 40 hours of PTO would roll over and I had 76, mind you I took a full week off in March. While I was home, I got an email asking if I would be interested in a phone interview for an AGM position at a retirement community. I will be completely honest, I dont remember applying for it, but I thought “why not?” Call went great and she said she would be sending my info to the GM and get back with me about an in person interview. Within two days we scheduled an onsite interview. Then I was told the regional would be calling me for another phone interview. I was starting to both gain confidence and lose it at the same time. During this time, we had a corporate visit at the hotel. The VP of Operations decided after the hotel being open for six years, it was finally time to visit us. Everything seemed to go well. They said our property looked phenomenal and our housekeeping department was wonderful.

I thought it went well and that I had made quite an impression since the lady said she wanted to work with me and help grow my talent. BUT, there’s always a BUT, she decided to tell Manny that her main critique of my appearance was that my nail polish was chipped. I’m okay with constructive criticism, but the phrase “she needs to either get them done or take it off” made my blood boil. I put a lot of work into my outfit that day. I wore a freaking blazer and heels. Usually I’m in my cowboy boots.When I’m not in the office, I’m checking rooms, stocking inventory, or helping with some obscure maintenance issue. I havent had my nails done in over a year because with how much physical things I was doing, it wasnt worth it, but while I was at my parent’s house I decided to just paint them. That was just a couple days before corporate came by. Then the bomb was dropped that there would be no promotions any time soon. The rest of the week was just so depressing, I literally loathed going to work. I kept waiting and waiting for a call. I had a terrible day and I stopped at the grocery store before going home. It was one of those days that if something didn’t give soon, I would be quitting without a back up plan. As I was pulling out of the parking lot my phone rang and it was finally the regional director. After chatting for a few minutes she said she needed to make some calls and she’d have the recruiter call me with an offer. About an hour later the recruiter called and said they wanted to offer me the job, at a higher pay rate then they initially offered. She said the regional was so impressed with me that she had them draft an offer immediately. In that moment, I felt no anxiety, no hesitation, nothing. I was going to ask for the evening to think about it, but I felt so at ease, I couldnt wait. It felt right.

It hurt my heart to say goodbye to a team I had both grown with and invested in for almost four years. These were people I had been through the whole spectrum of life events with. Births, deaths, weddings, divorces, wins and losses. These people are my family out here in Texas, but there were no hard feelings with my leaving. They were all excited for me. A bit panicked, but happy. I know my leadership team is more than capable to fill the holes I leave, but I do a lot of things that are under the radar and I dont really tell people I do. I hope they do well, but I hope NewcrestImage feels the pain from my loss and I hope the realize that I was determined to move up with them and they missed out on a hard worker.

I started my AGM position at Polo Park Estates, a retirement community, today. I cannot tell you the weight of anxiety that is already off my shoulders. Just the thought of not having to cover an overnight shift is amazing. I want everyone to know that no job, no matter what the pay, is not worth your mental, physical, or emotional well being. No one deserves to be treated like a number on a spreadsheet. Take care of your employees and they will take care of you.