I cannot tell you how many times in my life I’ve been asked by a man if I was on my period. Stop asking women this. First of all, it’s none of your damn business. Second of all, men also have hormone fluctuations. They’re just lucky enough to not bleed from their genitals and you don’t see women asking them “Oh is your testosterone a little low today because you’re kind of being a prick?”

Now, I know this isn’t the same for every woman, but here’s a rundown of what I personally experience while on my period. Lower body pain so intense I puke because it hurts so bad. Not cramps, straight up pain that so far normal pain medication doesn’t help and narcotics haven’t help much either (honestly CBD has been the best thing I’ve found). Knots the size of baseballs in my thighs and calves. Deep skin acne the size of quarters that hurt. Fatigue, bloating, constipation, etc. Then on top of that a heavy heavy heavy flow for 3-5 days if I’m lucky. Last month it was over a week.

Yet I get up, get ready for work, and hold it together enough to work in hospitality. So excuse me if I’m not the bubbly, tolerant, understanding person you normally deal with. I’m currently concerned with the worry that I’m gonna bleed through my pants for the day and ruin another set of underwear. This happens every damn month. So imagine dealing with all of that and then someone rudely asks you if you’re on your period or if you need some midol.

Bruh.

To add to the stress and physical distress I’m in, I have to PAY to deal with it. I have to pay for tampons and pads. I have to pay for something 50% of the population experiences without a choice and it’s not cheap. So instead of being an insensitive douche canoe, ask if there’s anything you can help her with or ya know just leave her alone and keep your mouth shut.

Coming into a relationship with someone who has kids has been both amazing and terrible. Now I don’t mean the children are terrible, because I love them to death. I mean trying to find my place in the dynamic is terrible. I’m having to learn that I have to share a whole family with another person because of children. I’ve never really had to deal exes being around. It’s been a real challenge to not constantly compare myself to them or wonder if everyone is going to like me as much.

I’ve watched my parents be very inclusive of my siblings exes if they have children and I’ve always loved them for but it’s a bit different being on the other side. Especially since I’ve struggled with infertility. So I constantly wonder if I’m unable to have children, will I get the same treatment? Will I be loved as equally if I can’t bring a child to the table?

Then on the other side of things, I don’t want to be viewed as intrusive. I want to love these children as if they were my own, but I don’t want it to be a situation where it looks like I’m trying to replace their mother. So many moving parts. If anyone has tips or suggestions for being a “step” parent I would greatly appreciate it because I’m in uncharted territory here and I definitely don’t have a road map.

So earlier this year, I lost my cousin Wesley. Without getting into medical terms and what not, we’ll say Wesley basically drank himself into organ failure. At 35 years old. In the days leading up to and after his death, his family kept saying “we didn’t know there was a problem.” Then on the other side of things you had people saying “we knew he had a problem but he wouldn’t get help.”

If you had met Wes, you would’ve never thought he had chronic alcoholism. He was so kind and loving and the kind of person that was friends with everyone. I mean everyone. He was just a beautiful, creative, and intelligent soul. I never had an experience with Wesley that wasnt positive. He cared about every person in his life and he would go out of his way to make sure everyone was taken care of. He had a job he loved and he was good at it. All around, from the outside, things seemed good.

But if you talked to his aunt or my parents, they knew something was wrong. My parents even offered for him to come down to NM and detox and they would help him get sober. Out of all the stories I heard about Wes, aside from Karla and my parents, I felt like I never heard anyone say “we tried” or “we knew something was wrong.”

This isn’t to place blame on anyone or point fingers. It’s to show that some people are dealing with things and sometimes you can’t even tell. Or it’s very subtle. Most of the times, it’s the people that you think have their life together, but don’t let it fool you. Listen to your gut. Sometimes you just have to ask if they’re okay, even if you’re not sure what’s going on. And if there is something apparently wrong, do not be afraid to sit them down and ask them about it.

If less people “minded their own business” maybe we’d still have more people alive. We could have less what ifs and deep seated regrets in life. You can’t make people get help, but you can give them support and love and compassion, judgement free.

So I originally started today’s post talking about my siblings, but Anthony brought a recent news story to my attention and it’s been weighing on my heart ever since. I had to put this in writing. I didn’t read the story because I was sick to my stomach just from him telling me about it so I can’t confirm all the facts. Apparently, an 8 year old boy hung himself due to bullying and he was scared to go alone so he hung his 4 year old sister with him.

Now this is hard enough for me to stomach on its own, but one of my best friends lost her 12 year old daughter to suicide. In the 30 minutes she went to give her newborn a bath, her daughter was able to take her own life. I watch the pain she relives every year on her birthday and death day. The struggle and what ifs she lives through thinking there is more she could’ve done.

No child should know what suicide is. No child should feel that much pain. The world we live in has become so blind to what is happening with our children. I mean, there were bullies when we grew up, but I feel like with the rise of social media is has become so much easier for kids to ruin other kids lives. Like it’s become cool to be cruel. There is an epidemic in our society and it just gets papered over with “kids will be kids” or “kids these days are so sensitive.”

When my mom was a middle school principle, she would call me in tears some days because she would have kids attempt suicide and between the school district and their parents, she felt like no one really thought it was a big deal. She couldn’t make the parents get their kids help or have the school mandate counseling. She would go out of her way to check on these kids when their own parents didn’t care. These were 6th-8th grade kids. 11-14 years old. Babies.

We need to do better. As parents, grandparents, teachers, counselors, mentors, and society as a whole. Love your children. Check on your children. If you think there is something off or wrong, get them help. There are free counseling centers all across the country. There are hotlines and call centers that will help you provide your child with the help they need. It is better to be over protecting, over bearing, over intrusive, than to lose your child and wonder if you could’ve done more.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

1-800-273-8255

For those that don’t know my family, I am 1 of 6 kids. Yes, 6. I usually have a lot of shocked reactions when I tell people that, but I usually clarify that we are a blended family. My parents each have 2 children from their previous marriages and then got together and had my younger brother and me. So, 2,4,6. So age wise we go 36, 35, 34, 33, 26, and 24. At least I think so. Pretty sure.

So that means there is 12 years between the youngest and oldest. That’s a pretty large age gap, which as you can imagine, definitely affects the dynamics of our sibling relationships. My oldest brother, Patrick, grew up in Utah so we didn’t see much of him until he was almost an adult. My brothers Kevin and Jeremy, grew up in the same house as my younger brother and I. My sister grew up in Albuquerque with her mom so we saw her every other weekend and holidays.

As I’m sure you can imagine, we relate to each other very differently. The level of closeness with my siblings has definitely fluctuated through out the years. As a kid, you could very blatantly see the animosity my dad’s older children had for myself, my brother, and my mother. There was very much a “you stole my dad” type mentality. My sister wouldn’t even speak to me most of the time. She was very close with my cousin and that was her sister to her. I remember being maybe 6 and just crying in my moms lap because Jenna and Megan wouldn’t let me go anywhere with them or even play with them. I grew up with all boys in the house so I craved a sister type relationship and I did not get that from her. Things got a little better as we both became adults, but I would say we don’t have that sister type relationship. We’re friends and I know she’d answer if I called her but she calls Megan for sister things and I call Keli for sister things. I love her to death and she really is an amazing human being.

I’m not gonna get to into detail about Jeremy because well, I already did that in a previous post so check that one out.

I think Kevin and myself have a very interesting relationship. He is the typical big brother. If you ask any of my siblings who my mom’s favorite is, it’s Kevin. Hands down. Now my mom will never admit that, but he is her favorite and not in a way where we others receive less love, but Kevin kind of has a little pedestal with her. He was the brother to look up to in our household. Hard worker, honest, all american guy. Served his country willingly and ended up with a great job after leaving the military. Cute family too. What’s not to love? I know my mom didn’t do it consciously, but Kevin was the bar in our household. Everything was “what would Kevin think?” or “have you asked Kevin?” This didn’t bother me as much, but it sure bugged the shit out of Daniel. Now it was just Kevin and my mom for a long time, prior to her and my dad meeting, so they have a special bond. I think they both were that rock for each other when things weren’t super great. Out of all my older siblings, Kevin made the most effort to have a relationship with me and Daniel and if you ask my mom, I was the pride and joy of my older brother. He actually took me to show and tell when I was born. AWWWWW. But seriously, he really tried to make sure he was present in our lives. We had a tradition of every time a new Harry Potter movie was released, he would check us out of school and take us on that Friday. It never failed. The only ones I didn’t see with him where the last 2-3 because he was in Iraq. Every holiday and birthday he was there being our big brother. He would do anything for any of our siblings and he truly is an amazing man and friend.

Now my oldest brother, Pat, and I have a very friendship type relationship. He lived in Utah with his dad for most of my childhood so I didn’t really even know him until I was about 10. Then right after that he got married and had a family with Cindee, which is a whole other story. They were around and I love his girls, but there was never really any time for us to be brother and sister. We both know if we need to talk we can call each other, and we have.

I wouldn’t say that my relationship with my younger brother, Daniel, is better than my relationship with my older siblings, but we definitely have a closer relationship being only 2 years apart and growing up together. It’s kind of the same thing with my older siblings. They are closer to their paired full blood sibling. That’s not to say we all don’t get along and love each other, but it’s different when you’re 10 years apart and your lives are at different points constantly. When we get together it’s usually a good time. We keep in touch and with my older siblings having kids, Aunt KK and Uncle Danny are always around for those kiddos. But Daniel and I have a special relationship. We like to say we were always meant to be twins. Two souls tethered together. I don’t have that with my other siblings. They are family but growing up with someone and sharing all of those critical moments growing up real bind you together. He is one of the few people I would drop everything for and go if he needed me.

As far as parenting goes, I’ll never know how my parents did. I know they dealt with a lot of issues from a couple of my siblings and they definitely held it together. Between sports, school, clubs, and a plethora of other things we were non stop. So I’m sure parenting a couple kids is hard but 6 is another ball park. I wouldn’t trade our blended family for the world and it’s definitely shaped who I am. I love telling people about my siblings because they’re all unique and have amazing stories to share.

For starters, a millennial is someone born between 1981 and 1996 so all you dumb ass mofos that keep calling Gen Y and Z kids millennials and refuse to call yourself a millennial can take a seat because unless you forgot how to do math you’re a millennial. I feel like the term millennial has become a scapegoat for anytime someone in society doesnt agree with a societal change. “It’s those damn millenials.” Its become synonymous with younger age groups or people in their teens/early twenties who have radical ideas instead of being used appropriately to describe 80s and 90s babies.

So now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can move along to the main entree. Here are some things that happened during the childhoods of most millennials: Gulf War, Space Shuttle Challenger exploding, Iran-Contra Affair, Columbine Shooting, Black Monday, Monica Lewinsky Scandal, Rodney King, Waco, OKC bombing, the first World Trade center bombing, and the list goes on and on and this doesnt even get into the 2000s where we would grow up witnessing 9/11, Afghanistan and Iraq Wars, Space Shuttle Columbia exploding, etc. This is during our CHILDHOOD. These are the events that shaped our society and our upbringing even if we didnt notice it at the time.

Then, we got to experience the technology revolution. Personal computers, cell phones, gaming systems, everything taking a giant leap forward. Things like MySpace, AOL chat, and Facebook coming into existence. We’re the last generation that grew up without a tablet in our hands or an iPhone as a soother. We read books, played games, and rode bikes so where did that all stop? Did more evil come into the world or did we just become more aware of it? Did children become more difficult or did we just start becoming lazy parents?

I don’t mean to guilt trip anyone, but I think the millennial generation is one that is unique and brings so much to the table. A mix of tradition and innovation. But we’re letting these younger generations just ruin shit and everyone keeps asking what’s wrong with kids today? It starts at home with our generation of parents. The millennials are the ones that need to set the tone. Raise our kids the way we were raised and set the example. Get off your phone and go outside with them. Have a conversation with someone. I’ll be the first to admit my phone is glued to my hand and I lose myself sometimes in Facebook or games or whatever. Technology is an amazing tool, but it has to be used appropriately or we’ll lose all the things we loved about our childhoods.

This wasn’t the exact turn I wanted this writing to take. I was looking for a more “look at how awesome millennials are even though we grew up seeing so much tragedy.” I think we can make the world a better place but we have to start by remembering all the things we witnessed our generation overcome. All the things we loved about growing up in the 80s and 90s.

So after being badgered by Anthony, I decided to do a little political piece and kind of let people know a little bit about me. I took a quiz for what political party I belong to and I got 60% democratic and 40% republican. For most people that know me that’s not much of a shock. I fall in the middle pretty well. I have beliefs and ideals that fall on both sides.

Above all, I’m very pro mind your own business and don’t try to control other peoples rights (i.e., abortion, sexuality, gun rights, religion etc.). Now that’s not to say we should just let everyone run amuck and do whatever they want, but unless it’s crime (which that’s another argument) mind your own damn business.

For example, gun rights. I’m pretty pro second amendment. However, I am pro gun control to an extent. By that I mean there’s clearly an epidemic in our society on gun violence, but it’s not the every day gun owners that are causing the issue to occur. It’s people that are dealing with mental health issues or substance abuse issues. I do think therapists and doctors or law enforcement should be able to flag someone being a risk for violent tendencies and that should be taken seriously. Our country needs to be more proactive at providing and funding mental health support for everyone.

I’m very pro immigration. My great grandparents parents came to this country from Slovenia. My grandmother came here from Australia. I believe we are a country built from immigrants. I mean apart from Native Americans, we all come from immigrants. However I don’t believe in open borders. We have a obligation to keep our citizens safe from crime, drugs, terror acts, etc. but not every immigrant is bad. I think the process to get into our country is excessive. I’ve taken the immigration exam and I can tell you, most Americans couldn’t answer the American history that is on that exam. I also think you shouldn’t be punished if your parents brought you here illegally as a child. Most of the illegal immigrants I’ve known are hard working, honest people and most of the time they outwork Americans. They should be able to prove they want to be here without being shipped out from fear.

Next time I’ll dive more into individual rights and what not but I figured this was a good starter. Hope everyone is having a good week. Adios fam.

So I finally went and saw Joker and I can honestly say this is the Joker I have been waiting for. I was honestly super against a Joker origin story because part of what makes the Joker such an amazing character is you don’t know anything about him. BUT Joaquin Phoenix’s performance is so authentic and relatable that this is the only origin story I would ever be okay with. The twisted, dark, realness he brought to this character is nothing short of an A+++ performance. Oscar worthy if you ask me.

That’s not to say I don’t love Heath Ledgers performance. It was revolutionary, but I feel like the “joker” part of it was lost in the darkness they were trying to pull out of him. So much darkness that he literally took his own life because of it. If you read the comics, there are plenty of points where the joker is evil, but the rattattat between him and Batman is crucial to the relationship. The Dark Knight series is more action based and focused on the big scenes. Christoper Nolan’s specialty.

The Joker strips down to the raw humanity that people are dealing with every single day. Mental illness is such a stigma in our society and the outlets we provide for those that are dealing with it, is wildly insufficient. The Joker took an every day person who was battling his own demons and ultimately he lost to them. This happens every day. People are lost in the system and it results in the harm of themselves or others.

Enough of my soap box. Go see it. Even if you don’t like “comic” movies, this is a performance not to be missed. There’s no Batman (I mean there is young Bruce but no Batman). Joaquin deserves all the accolades for this performance.