faith

Be The One

Last week in church, we finished our final section of our study called “For The One.” This is a rebranding for our church, as before our slogan was “For the Basin” referencing the Permian Basin, for those readers that aren’t familiar with west Texas. This study had five areas we want to exemplify as Christians:

  • Follow the One
  • Reach the One
  • Serve the One
  • Gather as One
  • Be the One

Each week we studied one of these areas and learned the importance of each of these areas and how they are fundamental to not only the church, but to our individual walks with God. Sundays final lesson, “Be the One” focused on spiritual maturity and how we obtain spiritual maturity. Our pastor, Jeremiah, spoke about what spiritual maturity is and what it is not. It’s not really like Jeremiah to call anyone out, but he was a bit more fiery than usual.

He told us spiritual maturity isn’t about how long you’ve been a Christian, how much Bible knowledge you have, how elevated your morality is, or how deeply spiritual you are. This touched on so many issues we have in the church today. Things that deter new Christians from finding their sense of belonging within the church. Statements like “well I’ve been here for X amount of years so I know what’s best” or “I go to church so I’m clearly a better person than they are.” “I raise my hands and worship more openly so I clearly have a better connection with God” or “WELL ACTUALLY the Bible says blah blah blah.” I’m sure all of us at some point have heard something along these lines. We’ve all heard something that has made us feel inferior in our faith walk.

I think in today’s society we’ve become stuck in what’s called the bystander effect. This term was coined when a Kitty Genovese was being attacked and sexually assaulted outside her apartment complex. After her murder, police found that 38 people witnessed the violent attack, yet no one called the police or even went to help her. Majority of people said “I thought someone else would call/help her.” The attacker was detoured twice by lights coming on in the building but ultimately returned to Kitty for a third time to stab her to death. This is why during emergency situations, with any sort of training (CPR, EMT, etc) you are trained to point to one person and instruct them to call the police because in theory, most people will assume someone else will do it. If you elect one single person to call it eliminates varying stories about the events as well as the inaction of every person present.

How many times in our lives do we refuse to help someone we see suffering or struggling in life because we assume that someone else is going to do it? We’ve become a world of “not my problem.” I can tell you I’ve lost people in my life because all of us thought “not my problem, someone else will help them.” Even outside the realm of religion and spirituality, being “The One” for someone could save them. Being that one person who takes the time to show love and compassion to someone who is stuck or hurt could result in a single defining moment that changes everything for them. We need to ask ourselves every time we hesitate “If not me, then who?” Most of the time, there is not another “who.”

Our life is made up of small moments. Singular interactions where we only have minutes to change the path someone is going down. So step out of your comfort zone and reach out to someone the next time you feel that inkling that they’re needing someone to be their one.

Sitting with Grief

I’d be lying if I said this hasnt been a tough week. For some reason, my depression has decided to rear it’s ugly head and I’ve been slipping into a deep rut. I think it’s mostly due to the fact that I can feel my period coming. For those of you that this is your first time reading my blog or we arent friends on Facebook, last month I suffered my second miscarriage in 4 months. So the return of my period was another ugly reminder that I am no longer pregnant and for those that have never experienced a miscarriage, the period after is usually extremely painful, which is what I’m dealing with today as I right this. Most days, I’ve come to terms with the losses we have suffered, but unfortunately I am not super human and grief does not disappear. Grief is everlasting and anyone that’s lost someone they love knows that there are some days that are easy and other days when the hurt of losing them is so immense that you cant even get out of bed. No matter how much time goes by, days, weeks, months, or decades, you still miss them.

Now I know for some people, missing someone I only had for 6 weeks may seem like a bit much. I didnt get to hold them or feel them move inside me, but both of them were my children. They both were alive and they both were loved beyond measure. For months I’ve been fighting this battle of self blame and even though I didnt want to admit it, God blaming. Day after day I see my friends and family having babies, raising children, and I cant help but ask “Why do I not get to do that too?” I’ve been racking my brain with the question of what did I do that was deserving of having not one, but two babies, taken from me? Because I whole heartedly believe that God does not do anything out of malice, so it must be me right? I must have been the one to incur this punishment and cause the loss of my unborn children.

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, my husband has a preacher personality. For those of you that have never met Anthony, one thing you need to know is that he is passionate about three things. God, our marriage, and his children. It used to be America too, but over the last year that has dwindled a bit. By passionate, I mean he is on fire for Jesus. So much that I would say that 95% of his talking time is spent talking about the Gospel. So while I’m sitting there, soaking in my misery because that’s what I do when I’m depressed, he’s trying to revive my spirit. Now anyone that knows me, knows I need to sit with my feelings and process them, but I think we both knew I had been sitting there for too long. I’m sitting there, literally crying, and poor Anthony is trying to get to the heart of what my issue is. He’s talking and I’m just numbingly crying and nodding my head. He finally comes and sits in front of me and asks when my devotional time with God stopped. I said probably Christmas when the kids were here, to which he points out that was when I had my first miscarriage. He told me that it’s okay to be angry at God for what happened. It’s okay to ask him why because can handle the anger and the questions. However, I shouldn’t let my feelings take me away from God. In times of hurting I need to turn to God. Lastly, he points out that it’s also not my fault for the miscarriages and I dont need to let that thought continue in my head. This whole time, I have said maybe 4 words and he had exactly the right words for my hurting heart.

I will be 100% honest and tell you that I did not want to hear any of this in the moment. Or I should say my depression didn’t want to hear any of this especially the parts about letting my internal voice tell me that I don’t need God or that I’m worthless and alone. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was definitely something I needed to hear. I’ve been praying to God over the last couple of days to provide me with comfort and peace. Last night I had a dream and in this dream, I had a baby boy who was about 10 months old. Honestly, he was the cutest, happiest thing I had ever seen. And a chunky little thing. Y’all he looked so much like a perfect mix of myself and Anthony. Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, this biggest toothiest grin, and unfortunately Daugherty head (that means large and round for anyone outside my family, my dad calls it the pumpkin head). I cant tell you if this was a glimpse into the future or just God giving me a moment of peace, but it was wonderful. I held that little boy and loved on him for as long as I could. So much that when I woke up 20 minutes before my alarm that I fought so hard to get back there for just one more minute. I woke up this morning feeling a new sense of peace in my life and thankful for what I have and whatever other things I am blessed with.