life

The Queen is Dead. Long Live the Queen.

To say my life has drastically changed from my last post would be an understatement. I’m hoping to return to this blog full time and really utilize it as an escape and way of processing my every day life.

To begin the first change in my life, we will go back to September. I celebrated my 28th birthday and let me tell you, I had a feeling 28 was coming up all Katie and boy was I right. My Regional Director, Tiffany, came to the community to announce that our company would be going to a vaccine mandate for all employees, excluding anyone that could get a medical or religious exemption. Now I’ve heard every argument for both sides of this and I can tell you this is something that has personally affected me. At this stage of the COVID vaccine, I do not think there should be a mandate of any kind, but I’ve also seen how bad COVID can affect someone and I wouldnt want that for anyone. I’ve lost residents to COVID and prevaccine had many who were very sick. I also look at the population I work with. Seniors have some of the highest death rates for COVID. I would do anything within my power to protect my seniors and I think most of my fellow senior living workers would agree.

With this mandate, all non vaccinated employees would be terminated by October 4th, which gave everyone about a month to figure out what they wanted to do. We had some hard no’s and some immediate yes’s and A LOT of not sure. However, at the end of the wait period, everyone who wanted to stay got their vaccine and everyone who didnt want to get it left, which included two housekeepers, a kitchen helper, two servers, and the general manager. So guess what that meant for ya girl! Mother-truckin promoted to GM. Now I will be honest and say this is definitely not the way I wanted to get promoted and it ended up costing me a friend in the process, but damn does it feel good to get recognition for the work you’ve been doing. One of the best comments I think was from an employee who was asked how they thought things were going with me in charge and they said everything was the same because I already did everything anyway. It’s also felt really good to get feedback from the residents about how much has improved over the last month and I can honestly give the credit to my team. They’ve really taken over their roles and I’ve let them take ownership of their positions. I dont have time to micromanage. I’m excited to continue on this new endeavor and grow with this company.

The second biggest change in my life has been obtaining FULL CUSTODY of my step son AJ. I know it may seem so sudden because he just went home August 15th. On October 21st Anthony got a call from Rick, AJ’s grandpa, informing him that Keely, AJ’s mother had been arrested a couple weeks prior for DUI among other things, including drugs. He said she came home after bonding out, but he needed Anthony to come get AJ. He said it wasnt fair to AJ and he just wasnt in a position to care for him anymore. For those of you who haven’t read my blog before, last summer during the custody hearing, we requested drug testing and offered to submit to it ourselves, but the judge said without any tangible proof of drug use we just looked vindictive and gave custody of AJ to his mother and gave her the parenting plan of her dreams; All the control and decision making in AJs life, including the say in anything we wanted to do with him. Fast forward, Anthony manages to make it to Montana on Saturday in what can only be described as the trip from hell, but he made it. I have to give so much credit to Rick for putting AJ’s needs first. It takes a truly selfless person to go against his own daughter and say it’s not best for AJ to be around his daughter right now. I know Rick loves AJ more than anything, but Rick hasnt gotten to be AJ’s grandpa for over a year, probably more. He’s had to be his parent and that’s not fair to either of them, especially since he doesnt have a vehicle. That means it’s just him and AJ 24/7 with very minimal effort from AJ’s mother. I love AJ to death, but he’s exhausting for me. I cant imagine someone who isnt in the best health trying to wrangle a energetic little monster.

We get emergency custody filed and a court date set. Meanwhile, Keely is trying to say this is just temporary until she can get her life together (mind you last year we went through the same thing, but we learned our lesson there). Rick agreed to attend the court hearing and testify on AJ’s behalf as to what their living situation as been and the absence of his mother. The week before the court date, Anthony gets a call from the Highway Patrolmen who arrested Keely. He informs Anthony that she did get arrested for DUI (driving under the influence of drugs), but he couldnt tell Anthony what else was pending because it wasnt technically his business. Anthony explained that he was going to court for AJ’s custody and he was trying to understand the situation prior to court. The HiPo explained that while he couldnt say exactly what she was going to be charged with that it was pretty “heavy hitting” stuff and not just traffic violations. All during this time, Keely is maintaining that there’s nothing bad coming her way, but makes it very clear that she is not attending the hearing because the cops are looking for her. A win in our position.

Friday comes and within 20 minutes of the hearing the Judge grants us full custody of AJ. No questions, no pleading, just facts and a decision. The judge asked Anthony about visitation for Keely and Anthony explained that we dont want to keep AJ from her, but she has some serious life changes to make before it’s safe for him to be around her. They agree on electronic and supervised visitation only. Rick didnt have to testify, but he was still able to make a statement regarding AJ’s best interest. When I tell you the burden was lifted, it was lifted high. His mother still has not reached out regarding the decision and I’m not even sure if she’s aware of what the judge decided. I really do pray for her and hope she is able to change her life for the positive because AJ needs his mom. As much as I am a mother figure in his life, she will always be his mom. He deserves to not have to question where his mom is or why he isnt with her.

So in less than a month I’ve been promoted and gained a 3.5 year old. It has been a whirlwind. I’m so grateful for everyone who has help us get through the last couple of weeks and helped us stabilize our life. From money to time and energy, to just being nice to my kid has been so wonderful and it doesnt go unappreciated. I’d be lying if I said I didnt pray for this day to come, but in reality for the last month I’ve felt this need to pray for AJ to come to our home permanently. Not because I wanted his mother to fail, but because I want what is best for AJ. In just a couple of weeks he’s a different kid. He still has some anger he is processing through, but he’s starting to relax and actually have fun. We’ve had the talk with him about him staying in Texas permanently and it seemed to make him feel more secure. We still talk about his mom in a positive light and he video calls his papa Rick every week. Keep us in your prayers yall. I’m excited for everything coming our way and I cant wait for the new Brown Family Adventures.

Let’s Talk about Sex Baby

Content warning: It’s about to get weird. Not really, but maybe.

Well hello and welcome probably one of the more sensitive topics so far. By sensitive I mean, we dont talk about it in our society. Sex. Say it with me, “Penis, penis, penis. Vagina, vagina, vagina. ” Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way and hopefully everyone has had a good laugh we can jump right into this steamy topic. I want to start off by saying, I am no expert in the art of sex, and I say art because it is an art, but I’d like to think I’m at least at the level right below expert. The level where I think I’m pretty good, but I definitely know I’m not the best. And I’m sure my mother is probably mortified at this point, but nevertheless, I progress. I’m going to assume that most people reading this have at least had sex in some sort of way. If you’re a virgin, all I can say is don’t waste your cherry on a boy who’s gonna be a two stroke pump and dump and give you zero pleasure. This is coming from a girl who lost her virginity at 19 to a guy in a camper in the woods and definitely did not get any pleasure out of it. In fact I got my period the next day and I was scared shitless because no one told me what to expect from having sex. I mean I was told there would be blood, but then there was a lot of blood. Thankfully I counted my days and realized I had just gotten my period.

Anyway, the real purpose of this post was to encourage everyone to find the sex that rocks your world. While sex is not the most important thing in your relationship(s), it’s at least top 5. And anyone who tells you different has not had the “rock your world” sex and if you don’t think it’s that important, you are who I’m talking about. Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love every little non-sexual intimate moment I have with Anthony. I love it. It’s easy and comfortable and we’re able to express love in non-sexual ways, which is also VERY important for relationships because most of the time if you’re lacking in one area, the other area is going to suffer. The chemistry you have during sex isn’t going to be there if you feel neglected by your partner in every day life. At that point sex is just a chore. I like to think of this as a danger area in relationships because if you’re not feeling fulfilled with your partner, chances are you’re going to find other outlets to feel fulfilled. I dont mean to imply that they will physically cheat on you, but over the years, I’ve met people with several coping mechanisms.

Honestly, the most common one I encounter, and not to hate on the men, is long term married men who’s wives no longer have sex with them so they seek human intimacy outside the marriage. Not always physical intimacy either. A lot of the men I’ve met just want someone to talk to and appreciate them, maybe occasionally have a hug. I had a friend that he and his wife hadn’t had sex in over a year and the one time she got drunk and they had sex, she got pregnant with their 3rd child, then went back to not having sex with him. The lack of sex and intimacy can be due to work schedules, body image issues, mental illness, and/or most of the time it’s kids. A lot of the time if the wife is the primary caregiver who ends up staying home and pouring all her time into the kids, and the last thing on her mind at the end of the day is sex. Now me, a childless woman, doesn’t quite relate, because well I have my job and that’s about it, but having friends that are moms, I’ve found most of them actually do want to have sex, but there’s always some underlying reason they can’t. They don’t find themselves attractive so they think their partner doesn’t, they already have intimacy issues because that seems like that’s all the husband wants is sex, or they pour all the love they have into their kids and there’s none left for the husband. Again, I know sex isn’t everything, but for the love of god, men: treat your wives like a queen and not a babysitter, and women: stop punishing your husband for working to support your family and stop withholding sex to prove a point. Stop using no sex as a punishment, period. I know, the vajayjay is a powerful thing, but if withholding sex isn’t a punishment for both of you, damn girl you are doing it all wrong. At the end of the day, make time for it. I’m not saying it has to be this passionate, all day affair, but there does need to be time set aside for it. Make time for each other period because one day you’re children will grow up and leave you and at that point you won’t be able to repair your marriage. If you don’t see each other every day, make it a point to reach out and tell them you love them or something nice to make their day. Don’t restrict yourself to “how’s the kids, how’s the house, how’s work, how are you?” because there’s not thought in that. It’s mundane and impersonal. Or on an even better note, find out their love language and learn how to speak it.

Moving right along from that soap box, I’m a very big advocate for sex before marriage. Now before I get boos from the balcony of piety, let me explain why. As a teen, I was all for this idea of “waiting till marriage” and making it special and blah blah blah, but then I had sex (oops). Now if I had waited and used marriage as the path to get to sex, I probably would’ve ended marrying a guy who just wanted to have sex with me and because I was young and dumb, I would’ve believed he loved me. That’s not to say that those of you who choose to wait, aren’t really in love because I have very dear friends in my life that did wait and they’re very happy. I cant speak for their sexual life, but they seem happy. I kept thinking, “what if the sex is bad? Then I’m stuck with this person for the rest of my life.” I don’t know if you’ve had some bad sex in your life, but I’ve had some terrible sex in my life. I had an ex that would last 1-2 minutes and would be covered in sweat and at the end of the 2 minutes of his jack hammering my vagina, he would give up because he couldn’t cum. I put up with that for a whole damn year. A YEAR. A year of not getting any sort of climax out of sex. Only covered in his sweat and being so naive that I thought that was normal (side note: be realistic when, not if, WHEN you talk to your kids about sex).

Even as I got older, I just assumed that if I didn’t get an orgasm it was normal, but once I started opening up and researching and talking to people, I learned that I needed to be more vocal about what I wanted and needed. So if you’re in a relationship now and the sex is not satisfying, speak up. (Side note: women: using teeth is never a good idea and men don’t care if you jiggle and men: learn to be good at foreplay because women need to be warmed up first and vagina’s are sensitive so please be gentle) That goes for both men and women. Your partner can’t change what they’re doing if you don’t tell them. On the other hand, if you’re partner asks you to try something or opens up to you about their needs, don’t be dismissive. I can’t tell you how often I’ve said what I need and it happens once and then never again (*cough cough* men can give oral too). I’m not saying go so far beyond your comfort level that you don’t enjoy yourself, but be open to new things and actually explore with your partner. It’s better to be up front and honest about things and then it not work out then to stifle yourself and be resentful and bitter. I will always be someone you can ask questions to or open up to because it really makes a difference if you have someone who listens and maybe even helps you find what you need in life.