As of Saturday, 2/6, my community has been on lockdown due to multiple COVID cases. In less than two weeks, I have had five active cases, one associate and four residents. When I say that I’ve never experienced this level of work stress before, I’m being genuine. This coming from someone who’s worked through power outages, worked understaffed, worked through active shooters, broken up fist fights, and literally worked 18 hour shifts at a freaking hotel. On Sunday, I had an emotional breakdown from the level of mental exhaustion I had reached. Not from my hours worked, but from the level of seriousness and responsibility put on my shoulders in a matter of one day. One day was all it took for my property to go from zero COVID cases for an entire year, to three, which puts us in a full 14-day lockdown. No dining room meals (delivered only), no activities, no visitors, etc. No one comes out of their room unless its to go to the doctor or they scheduled time for them to do their laundry. Now that might not seem extremely tough for some of you, but having to tell someone they cant come out of their room because there is a risk that they could get sick and the mortality rate for their age group is above average. Then not only are they concerned for the people that are positive, but I cant legally tell them which of their friends are sick. I also get the privilege of telling individuals they may have been exposed and my receptionist gets to call family members and inform them we’re locking down. I’m sure you can imagine how that goes. Lastly, my coworker who is positive is in the hospital, literally fighting for her life. AND I had to go get tested because of exposure. I had this crazy tornado of sad, mad, concerned, and helplessness. It’s better now, but in the moment, I did not see a light at the end of the tunnel. My mind played worse case scenario and it really got the best of me.

The longer I work at Polo Park Estates, the more I realize that human beings are garbage. Day in and out, I watch residents slowly break down, physically and mentally because they are isolated. I dont just mean from COVID either. That is a big factor, but I see so many people who have family that puts them in here and forgets about them. So not only are they limited to what they can do within the community, they dont even have someone checking in on them regularly that isnt my staff. I know this is a hill I will die on, but your elderly family members do not deserve that. Last week I went up to help one of my residents with her TV. She thought some channels were missing and she kept hearing about Discovery+ on the commercial and she wanted to know how to get it. I’m sitting there with her and she’s telling me how she’s become so depressed and has terrible anxiety with this lockdown that she has started taking medication for it. She said she misses her friends and most days she cant even bring herself to get dressed. They are living in a world of fear and loneliness every day.

I know being on lockdown has been hard on everyone, but imagine if you aren’t young and technology savvy. If you don’t have a smart phone to facetime your family or watch Netflix or Hulu. What if the only way you could talk to those you loved was on a phone call and even then, you’d be lucky if that was more than a couple minutes? I have one resident who doesn’t have a phone. When she needs to call her son, she comes down to the front desk and uses our phone. This is also the resident who’s son tells her we don’t allow visitors so he doesn’t have to come up and visit. Is that not heartbreaking? This lady is feisty and at 96 she tells me she doesnt have an ache or pain and she tells me her son will get what’s coming to him for how he treats her. He spends her money while she sits here and slowly fades away.

Today, I lost my first resident. It’s so ironic because this was the one resident that I had a real life connection with because we were both OSU Alumni. I had sent out a letter during my first week here, just introducing myself, and that was one thing I made sure to mention; I got my degree at OSU. Mr. Beazley called me later that day to tell me he graduated from OSU after WWII back when it was Oklahoma A&M and he was glad to have another Aggie in the community. The first time I went to visit him, he went on and on about how much he loved living in the Oklahoma-Kansas region and how much he loved the sunflower fields. This man was so kind and friendly. He had a accident where he had fallen and scrapped his arm up pretty good so the old sales person here at the property had talked him into going to rehab (which she works for) to strengthen him up. He told the staff he didn’t really want to go or felt he needed to go, but she said it was best for him and now he’s dead. That is what we have to live with every day here and my heart is broken.

This is a lonely, heartbroken, and the forgotten generation of people. People who are taken advantage of and treated as expendable. We are the one’s here with them every day, spending the time loving on them and caring for them. Making sure they’re okay. Now, I know that there are families that don’t live here or can’t visit often, but this place isn’t a black hole. The doors are not one way. This isn’t a place to just drop off your loved ones because you don’t want to care for them anymore. Anyway, that’s my peace for the week. Stay safe, stay healthy, and go love on your people.